Living Somewhere Between Murder and Mindfulness
Living a high-frequency life when death is your hobby
What happens when you strive to live every moment in a state of positive frequency, but you are obsessed with all things true crime? You get yourself a big mess of chaotic vibes, that’s what. Untangling those vibes to find balance is tricky, but it can be done. Come with me on this journey from the depths of evil to the power of high-frequency enlightenment.
As an example, let’s just say you love personal fitness and always strive to be the healthiest version of yourself. On the other hand, you also have a love of craft beer and cheese curds- and tend to indulge a bit too frequently. What is one to do? I mean, besides move here to Wisconsin and sign up for a beer and cheese half-marathon. (Yes, it does exist!) Could you find a way to keep your cholesterol down, yet enjoy that five-beer flight every weekend while dreaming of opening your own craft brewery? Is it possible to find balance when two of your passions collide?
I’m A Fool for Murder
Not in that creepy way of writing love letters to men in prison for murdering their spouse- hard pass on that. I am a true crime fanatic. Maybe it’s the psychology of these evil beings. Or the empathy I have for the victims, families, and investigators. Whatever it is, I can’t get enough. I spend hours on FBI and non-profit websites scouring public cold case information. I routinely cross-check missing person information with John and Jane Doe websites. I read books by medical examiners, FBI agents, and families of victims. Heck, I even jumped at every opportunity to observe autopsies while I worked at a top-ranked teaching hospital. I’m not a morbid weirdo- just fascinated.
Don’t Kill my Vibe
Meditation, self-reflection, and living my best life. Living every day with a positive outlook and high-frequency energy. I feel like a better human when I practice these things. My soul is happy and full of gratitude. I am better for myself, and for the world when I’m in this state of mind.
So what is the problem?
As I settle in to meditate and start deep breathing to clear my mind, BAM- images of the last crime scene I read about creep in. I chase the images out by focusing on my breathing. KAPOW- wasn’t (insert name of prolific serial killer) living in such-and-such area back in (insert year) when (insert victim’s name) disappeared? Shoot, now I need to start over. Focus on my breathing.
I struggle with this internal battle day in and day out. I refuse to give in to the negativity that is running rampant in our country and our world these days. I NEED to practice mindfulness, yet the most disturbing and dismal criminal cases are incredibly intriguing to me. I love to try to piece things together and create possible scenarios. Doing this keeps my brain engaged, especially when life gets mundane.
So here I am. Just a girl trying to live her best negativity-free life. Being present in the moment and grateful for all the abundance life has given me. All while visions of grisly crime scenes and evil monsters rent space inside my brain. But I don’t want to evict them. So what us a girl to do?
The Balancing Act
The balance, I’m learning, is to focus on sending the energy of compassion and love out to families of the victims. For me, it creates a beacon of hope. A hope that these families will someday be able to once again enjoy the peace and beauty of existence. Because if they can live a life of positivity- we can all take a cue from them.
